A couple of days ago, I ranted about a letter I received from Abbey/Santander.

I have calmed down a little now but I still rewrite the letter below for your information.

(My good friend, Simon Roskrow reckons that I should send it to Santander HQ along with a charge for £40).

Anyways, see what you think

Dear Jonathan (‘cos that’s my name)

Your recent visit to Worksop

Thank you for your recent visit to our branch at Worksop. We hope you found it a pleasurable experience. (standard corporate patter).

At the close of business, when we checked your deposit, our team discovered that the amount in the envelope was not the same as that written on it. (See I am not saying that anything wrong has been done as in “You wrote the wrong amount.” More sort of suggesting that may be the case).

I have detailed the amount contained in the envelope below.

CASH
CHEQUES

While we were sorting this out and making sure your account was credited with the correct amount, (Reassuring me here), we noticed that you had included cash and cheques in the same envelope.

It really helps us to help you faster if these could be separated into two envelopes next time you see us. (Who can argue with words like help & fast?)

I should also tell you that for security we destroyed the loose cheque you put in the envelope also.

I hope this is all satisfactory, and I look forward to doing what we can in helping your business prosper. (Again more corporate speak but intended to leave the reader feel they have something to look forward to).

Yours etc

See – who can argue with someone whose stated aim to provide help fast?

The letter doesn’t actually accuse the reader of doing anything wrong. Maybe they wrote the correct amount and dropped a tenner on the floor?

Which letter would you prefer to receive ?